Woman Roasts Ex On Craigslist In Ad For Blender She Received While Breaking Up

Chances are, if you live in Brooklyn and were looking for a decent blender on the cheap this morning, you may have stumbled upon one of the best ads you've ever seen for a kitchen appliance in your life. The ad, cleverly titled, "Wanna put my tender heart in a blender" after a lyric in an Eve 6 song that was popular when I was in high school, was easy to scroll past, but the thumbnail was bound to catch a few eyes.

Never date a corporate lawyer. Here's how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date.

You never get an explanation for this beyond "I was looking for something specific," which sounds like another lawyer or some Woody Allenesque waif-bot, but most Brooklyn dudes want that, so fuck it. He has nice hair. He apologizes, claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.

The story goes on as you would expect.  Her (now ex) boyfriend, who she met on Tinder and figured was "not like other corporate lawyers," was a great guy when they first started going out.  

He was happy, she was happy, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach that she has seen animated all throughout her life for the very first time.

Classic love story, meet classic speed bump: One night you watch a movie about the futility of monogamy, and he freaks out. He's scared of commitment. The guy who committed to 80-hour work weeks for nebulous reasons is scared of commitment. The guy who asked to meet your family after you said it would be okay to wait, because commitment can be scary, is now scared of commitment.

We've got a commitaphobe on our hands.  She actually already introduced him to her family at his own request, and this ends up marking the beginning of the seller falling out of love.She spends a weekend with him and his "successful friends," and seeing the seller having difficulty socializing with them: This is when he decides you're incompatible. He comes over in a panic. He's sad because "we used to be so happy." He sees you "in a negative way" now. He sometimes even doubts you're attractive.Because lawyers think it's important to present all sides of reality. To acknowledge how illusory everything is, even human connection. A corporate lawyer can predict the future from a mile up his own asshole.At this point, the relationship is taking its final breaths, but the ex-boyfriend doesn't want to be the one to put the pillow over its head. He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It's the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species